Chicago, Illinois
Home. I needed home. I was emotionally maxing out, craving fall, and childishly longing for a blanket of security - one that I felt only Chicago could give me at this time. Unfortunate, but grandpa's memorial service and grandma's health scare gave me enough reason to be here.
Some noteworthy happenings in the last two days:
Had a high school sleepover with Nams and Miriam. We talked about how scary and exciting alike the idea of family, relationships, and love is. We drank tea, fought over who would sleep on the couch, and instantly fell asleep because after all, we are not 18 anymore. I love exactly where we are at.
We sat around the table for "Fancy Breakfast" the following morning. I was extremely, intensely happy. I still don't know what it was about aesthetics, colors, and the set up of the food amongst a company of friends (most important) in a charming high-rise space that injected boosts and boosts of joy, but I am thinking that it's the artistry of cultivation that makes me a total addict for this kind of stuff...whatever "this" is.
I exchanged ideas and dreams with Hayoung, who I'm so proud of. That same afternoon, I took a walk with Tina Lee and amongst many things, I realized that I still believe in prophetic words — even though I found myself skeptical mid-conversation. We empathized at how inordinately difficult this past year has been for the both of us, and then shared what we look forward to in 2018.
Dug through 2-3 boxes of film photos that I took between elementary school to high school. This did two things for me: One, it reminded me that I am deeply, deeply loved. Two, it revealed who I am. And on tangent (but not really) I've always had a deep love for photo taking.
Cuddled with my mom, and invited her into my life. Visited grandma who has been doing much better, but I see the loneliness in her eyes every time I pick up my things to leave the hospital. I don't know how I'm going to fly back to Los Angeles come Sunday. Can I not?
Dad approaches me and tells me to start cultivating my leadership skills. He asks what I think about becoming a woman preacher. Little does he know I already have sermons via #mkv.
All in all, I am drinking up the October air. I've been feeling high highs, but also deep blues. Today is one of those days where I don't know where to garner strength. But the nostalgic vibes here gives me a greater sense of integrity and wholeness in contrast to sunny LA. The rustic interior of this current space, this coffee, and the alone time I've carved out for myself is... perfect.
